Yankees slugger Jason Giambi admitted that he wears a gold lame thong to get out of hitting slumps. Derek Jeter confirmed that he also donned the slump buster, as did Johnny Damon. "I was 0 for 32 and hit a homer on the first pitch," said Jeter. "That's the only time I've ever worn it."

That's Mark with a k, Reynolds with an e

Mark Reynolds, the Arizona Diamondbacks' third baseman, led the major leagues in both strikeouts (204, an alltime record) and errors (34).

And you thought Federer was a master of spin

Returning from a two-year doping suspension, Sesil Karatancheva of Bulgaria remarked, "I was the one that had the longest penalty in the history of women's tennis.... I hold the record. You know it's good to hold records, no matter what. There's nothing to be sad about, really."

And our dumplings are ABORT RETRY FAIL

A Beijing restaurant, preparing for English-speaking Olympics fans, ran its name through a translation website and put the result above the door: TRANSLATE SERVER ERROR.

Nice grab. Loved you in Clerks II

After Panthers tight end Dante Rosario caught a game-winning touchdown pass to beat San Diego on Sept. 7, Fox Sports, broadcasting the game, ran a graphic informing viewers that the catch had been made by Rosario Dawson.

Setting the record straight

The American Family Association has rigged its websites so the word gay is automatically replaced with the word homosexual. Hence, an AP story picked up by the AFA site One News Now about an American sprinter's victory began, "Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials."

He then passed on the name of his defense lawyer to Plaxico Burress

A Helsinki court fined former NHL defenseman Jere Karalahti $1,900 after finding him guilty of using cocaine last year. Karalahti told the court that it was possible that he had used the drug, but that he couldn't be certain because at the time he was drunk.

Close call. The other option was sending him to Triple A

Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon, angered at being demoted to the bullpen, grabbed G.M. Ed Wade by the neck and threw him to the ground.

Thus earning himself a demotion to the Astros' bullpen

Cuban taekwondo athlete Angel Valodia Matos, a gold medal winner at Sydney in 2000, was disqualified from a match at the Beijing Games. Angry at the decision (for taking too long for an injury timeout), Matos ran at the referee, Chakir Chelbat of Sweden, kicked him in the face and spat on the mat as he was seized by security.

That spoiled his big plans to swap Nowitzki for Soriano

Mark Cuban's efforts to buy the Cubs hit a snag when he was indicted by federal authorities for insider trading. (Cuban denies the government's claims.)

In fairness the Bulgarians did pull their goalie kinda early

In a qualifying match for the 2010 Olympics, Slovakia's women's ice hockey team defeated Bulgaria 82--0.

On the plus side, Keanu Reeves's production company snapped up the film rights

Fans of the Argentine soccer team Chacarita were so desperate to get to a game on time that they hijacked two buses and forced the drivers at knifepoint to go faster.

Funny, Yankees fans recognize these symptoms each September

Third baseman Alex Rodriguez's wife, Cynthia, told the YES network last spring that her husband passed out during the birth of their first daughter: "In between pushing I'm going, 'Honey, are you O.K.' One nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was rubbing his back."

And, at mile 125, he can see dead people

"When I get to mile 75 of a 150-mile race and I'm completely trashed," ultramarathoner David Goggins told Runner's World, "that's the only way I can see what David Goggins is all about."

The waitress said it was par for the course

John Daly, a two-time majors winner, was found drunk and unconscious outside a Hooters.

From now on, he's playing it safe and rooting for the Sacramento NBA team

An 18-year-old Moroccan was arrested for "disrespect for the kingdom's national motto." The motto is God, Homeland and the King, but Yassine Belassal wrote, "God, Homeland and Barca" on a school chalkboard, expressing his fondness for soccer's FC Barcelona. (He received a one-year suspended sentence.)

No fowl, no harm

An Ohio court ruled that the Double A Dayton Dragons were not liable for injuries suffered by a fan who was struck by a foul ball while watching the antics of the San Diego chicken.

And both are capable at any moment of spontaneous combustion

Asked his value in the free-agent market after he helped lead the Dodgers to the postseason, slugger Manny Ramirez gleefully remarked, "Gas is up and so am I."

So much for that bit about keeping the doctor away

Bulls rookie Derrick Rose needed 10 stitches after cutting his forearm on a knife he had used to slice an apple in his bed.

You should see his bill at the Fancy Man store

In a lawsuit filed in Chicago, the clothing store Casual Male alleges that Knicks center Eddy Curry ran up a tab of more than $41,000. Two years later it remains unpaid.

Necessitating yet another bailout

Corey Waldrop had to be rescued during a preliminary round of the ESPN Bassmaster Elite series competition when his fishing boat stalled on Lake Erie and began taking on water.